Now I don’t know that Shakespeare actually said this but I do agree with sentiment.
A common statement I’ve heard about divorce is that it is based on disagreements over either sex or money. I disagree with this. I believe the ends of many relationships are due to unmet expectations and a failure to clearly communicate with one another.
When my husband and I were first dating I was not a touchy feely girlfriend, at all. When we would have disagreements I wanted to be left alone and given space. Once we were married, however, something changed. I wanted Michael to hold me rather than leave me alone. When we had disagreements I wanted him to reassure me by hugging me. I did a complete turn around and expected him to know this and change his responses toward me. For two years of dating I expressed my need for distance and all of a sudden I no longer wanted that. When this expectation went unmet I would feel hurt and insecure and Michael was left feeling confused and frustrated. I wanted him to just know what I needed without me telling him. Thankfully, I had a good friend remind me “he won’t know what you need if you don’t tell him.” Duh!! He’s very intuitive but not a mind reader.
Openly talking about our expectations, needs and struggles can feel vulnerable which can also be really hard and scary. What if they don’t meet them, what if nothing changes? Often past hurts will influence how we behave in our current relationships. We hold back in an effort to protect ourselves but end up damaging our current relationship as a result. I had to realize things would not get better if I didn’t open up to my husband and clearly communicate with him what I needed. Knowing your expectations, being willing to talk through them and being open to adjusting them not only gives you more freedom, but allows others a chance to respond to your expectations.
So, live for today! Fight against the fear of past hurts and potential heartache that can get in the way of what could be an authentic relationship. An expectation that is never shared is an expectation that will likely never be met.
